How Trauma Affects You & The Hidden Ways It Weakens Your Ability To Feel Safe In A Relationship


One of the most challenging parts of how trauma affects you are the mysterious and often hidden ways it hurts your ability to live and love to the fullest. When you’ve experienced a deeply painful event in your life, the effects can last for years and can damage all kinds of relationships. Trauma survivors struggle with their relationships to family, friends, coworkers and most notably, significant others.

How Trauma Affects You Weeks, Even Years Later

Trauma can take many forms. One way to think of trauma is that it’s an experience of complete overwhelm where you are unable to process the event that’s occurring to you. Some examples of traumatic events are a near death experience, physical abuse, rape, witnessing the horror of war, experiencing a natural disaster and more. These are all examples of experiences where the body and mind can go into total overwhelm and leave you traumatized.

Although the source of the trauma can be different from person to person, the lingering effects can be very similar. Traumatic events of your past can cause countless stressors in your daily life. Some ways you may experience this are:

  • Severe Anxiety
  • Distrust of others
  • Constant conflict with partners
  • Inability to feel close with others
  • Mysterious physical symptoms
  • Constant impulsive thinking
  • Fear or anxiety around being vulnerable
  • Fixation on worst case scenarios
  • Uncontrollable emotional outburst or withdrawals

These are just a few of the signs that the damaging event from your past is still playing out and affecting your relationships. They are strong indicators that you would benefit from the services of a trained trauma practitioner.

So Why You Can’t You Feel Safe In A Relationship?

Trauma affects you in deep and often mysterious ways. Even if you have every intention of cultivating a long term loving relationship with a partner, the effects of trauma can creep in make it hard to bond and feel safe.

The hard truth is that it’s nearly impossible to cultivate a relationship built on love, connection and safety with another person when you’re disconnected from these qualities within yourself. That’s why healing unresolved trauma is so important. Feeling safe and supported in your own skin allows you to build positive connections with other people.

You Can Heal From Trauma

Anyone can benefit from the latest trauma healing approaches coming from the field of Neuroscience. Recent advances have gifted us with the capacities to dissolve the internal barriers from post-traumatic stress.

Metaphorically, you can imagine the effects of trauma as frozen masses of energy that obstruct the free movement of your life force. This feeling of frozen or stuck trauma energy within you is one of the hallmarks of trauma. This is also why so many people who have experienced trauma report feeling stuck and powerless to create and maintain the relationships they want.

Allowing this traumatic energy to dislodge and move out of the body requires a gentle process of building a set of resources that allow the body and mind to safely release what may be decades old trauma energy. Once it’s released, a natural flow of love and connection with others is restored.

Focalizing Resolves The Residue Of Painful Events

The process I coined, which is inspired by four decades of trauma healing research and experience, is called Focalizing. Focalizing can allow you to heal from trauma once and for all in a manner that doesn’t require you to re-live or re-tell the story of what happened to you. In fact, fixation on the stories can actually be a barrier that prevents us from moving forward. To read more about Focalizing, click here.

With the Focalizing process, you are able to dissolve, and release the barriers that are holding you back from participating in life and close relationships more fully.

One of my long time colleagues, Peter Levine, once said, “carrying trauma is hell, trauma resolved is a gift from the gods.” I have to agree. When you finally heal from the painful experiences of your past the whole world opens up to you in a new way. It truly is a gift beyond words.

Are you or a loved one continuing to suffer from traumatic experiences of the past? Don’t let trauma be a life sentence – contact me today so we can begin the healing process together.